03/05/2021

Here I am, and I didn’t forget about my blog this time. But it’s time to be more active with it, instead of it just sitting here and letting it go to waste. At the time I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the back of my car in the city centre – where I live – since I was enquiring to see if there was a job in a bookstore and not really wanting to go home just yet. Unfortunately, they weren’t hiring, which is why I’m in my car.

Anyway, why I asking to see if this bookstore has a job is because, I no longer have a job, which is shit, if I do say so myself. But how I’m looking at it at the moment, is that it gave me some experience to learn more about myself and how to comfortable with being uncomfortable. It was definitely a great experience, as I know I can work hard if I push myself to do so, and they said that if I find myself in a better space, I can have that job back. With all of this, I still feel like I’m back to square one, where I have no income at the moment. Now, it’s time for me to get back into the job market, and see who is hiring.

As mentioned briefly in my introduction to this post, I don’t really want to go home just yet as I’m tired of dealing with my mother, as she seems to still treat me like a child. Now, I understand that I moved back into her house almost a year ago after university and there are things she’s expecting me to do, but she is just far too judgement of how I would like to live my life, as she believes that I am spending too much time in my room – where I feel the most comfortable and safe, as I usually read some books and watch a bit of television (not like I did a degree in that or anything). But there is only so much I can actually handle from her. I’ve tried my best to get a job – and I did – and she doesn’t seem to recognise that. Everytime something similar happens, she’s just negative, and it’s been like this ever since I was a child, and not recognising that I’m doing the best I can. I just think her and my stepfather are so focused on results, that they don’t see how hard I actually try to achieve the accomplishments I already have. On top of this, it always seems like they dismiss my feelings by saying ‘think about other people’ and ‘others are going through so much more than you are’, which does not make me feel any better. I know you’ll be reading from my point of view on how our relationship is, but I’m hoping that someone can understand it, as I just want someone to care, even if I don’t know them.

Anyway, that’s all for this blog post. If you are triggered by this in any way, please either reach out to me, or talk to someone you trust. Someone cares about you. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and until next time, bye for now.

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